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DignityUSA
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RETURN TO > CONVENTION 2007 > HOME
Mark's Sunday Brunch Address
DignityUSA 18th Biennial Convention
Austin, Texas, July 8, 2007
Address by Mark Matson, President-elect
In the name of the Creator, Word & Spirit.
When our Liturgy began last night, I was seated in the 3rd row center, with my life partner, Chris, on my right, good friends around me, a room filled with voices of loving hearts and four celebrants on the stage called from our midst: Two women and two men. And I thought – this is my Catholic tradition at its best! This is a Church I can believe in!
It’s been a long journey to this day. I’d like to tell you a story to give you a better sense of the path that has led me to stand before you today as your next President.
I first faced the truth of my sexual orientation in the very place I had gone to run away from it: the seminary. Up till then I KNEW my body was not functioning the way it should have. I had learned about homosexuality in my Catholic Catechism and my 7th grade sex education class. One thing I knew was that I could not act on my body’s powerful urges, and there was not a bisexual inclination in me, so marriage did not seem to be an option. So surprise, surprise, I concluded I must be called to priesthood! I joined a religious community called the Paulists. It was in their novitiate, ironically, that I found 13 other men just like me! And for the first time, at age 24, I fell in love. Letting my guard down and allowing myself to be touched and held intimately was one of the most grace-filled experiences of my life. I KNEW that this incredible experience of love could not be evil. My first love, Michael, left the community after the first year. I decided to stay. But our love only grew in separation. Finally, my spiritual advisor told me I needed to decide. I was really torn because I think I did have a calling to priesthood. One night I went to the Chapel to pray for guidance: “Tell me God, what you want of me.” In one of few such occasions in my life, I believe I heard the voice of God clearly: “I don’t care what you do Mark. I don’t care if you are a priest, plumber, policeman, politician or pediatrician. All I care about is how well you love others when you are doing it.” I knew then that I would never be a good priest if I didn’t pursue this opportunity to find out how to give and receive love.
So I left and moved from Washington, D.C. to start a new life with Michael in Columbus, Ohio. About a year later, I flew home to Denver to see my parents with a mission. They were getting older I wanted them to really know me. I agonized over how and when to reveal my secret to my very Irish Catholic mother . . . who said the rosary every day, attended Mass every morning, washed and pressed the church linens, watched Sissy and Bobby perform on Lawrence Welk and who was scandalized by All in the Family. I had to tell Mary Jane that her best-behaved youngest son, the only son who had remained in the Church, had abandoned plans to become a priest in order to pursue a lover and set up house!
I procrastinated until the end of my week’s visit. The pressure was on. My last night there, we drove over to my aunt’s place for dinner; that would be a convent of the Sisters of Charity--Cincinnati. On the way, we stopped at a traffic light. I was in the back seat and I heard my mother say,
“Clifford – look at that young man in the car next to us.”
“Yes?”
“He’s wearing an earring. I see that more and more often. What is that about?"
My dad said wisely, from his scanning of Readers Digest, “Oh yes, I remember reading about that. I think that means he’s a lesbian.” O Christ, I thought – I am going to have to tell them I’m a lesbian!
You laugh because you get the joke. You get it on so many levels--many nuances that people outside our tribe do not get. I came to Austin for the same reasons I came to Philadelphia, and Chicago, and Denver, and Boston – to be with my tribe. Kindred spirits. Soul mates. Over the past ten years I have come to know a good number of you. We’ve spent good time together – debating, praying, thinking, fretting, mourning, celebrating, listening, and healing. Being Eucharist for one another. Dignity – my chapter and national – put wind back in sails tattered by the persistent spiritual and psychological abuse of a well-intentioned but fundamentally flawed theology of sexuality. Dignity restored my dignity. I am deeply grateful. I have come to be proud of who I am. And I remain proud of my very rich Catholic heritage. I refuse to let it go – to yield ground to teachings on human sexuality from a celibate hierarchy. I am wiser for my pain and struggles. And now I guess I, along with Lourdes, am called to apply that wisdom in service to you as President and Vice President of Dignity USA.
The call came over a year ago when Sam and Peggy asked me if I would consider this position. Honestly, my first response was dread. I was recovering from professional burnout. I had just completed a major career transition and was once again enjoying balance in my life. I was growing increasingly weary of doing battle with the hierarchy. I just wanted time to watch American Idol like the rest of America. I thought about it over six months. The sense of burden never lifted. I interpreted the lack of enthusiasm as a sign this call was not from God. So I said no. I said “no” again four months later after a national search failed to turn up any candidates. And yet here I am. What happened?
It was not guilt – the favored Catholic tradition. Three things happened:
- The Board restructured the position of President by breaking it into four parts. Jeff Stone of Dignity/New York, stepped forward to take on responsibility for media relations. Tom Yates of Dignity/Washington, D.C., stepped forward to take on responsibility for managing our office operations. This lightened the load considerably. I felt I had the gift and passion for what remained – serving as a legal figurehead and directing the work of the Board.
- I wrote a sobering assessment of the state of affairs in Dignity that was distributed to the membership. We heard back from all kinds of people. And the response told me there was life and energy out there. And a will to change – once again.
- Then John McNeill contacted me. He told me he thought I had the right take on our challenges and the right vision for the time. But most important, he told me not to think of this as a job in which I was responsible for fixing Dignity or fixing the Church. He encouraged me to accept where things are as part of a larger plan, bring what I can to the table and have faith that God will provide the rest. In other words, he reminded me that this was not about me. I had been loved well by this community and this was an opportunity to give love back,
The heaviness of the role lifted quickly and energy took its place. Enthusiasm. You know, the word enthusiasm comes from the Greek “en theos” – in God. That enthusiasm told me the time to step forward and serve was now right for me.
I think Dignity and I are at similar places in our life paths. In my 30s, I was taking on the world – optimistic and idealistic. In my 40s, I gave lots of energy to setting and pursuing goals, proving my competence, changing things in the conviction that I could make a difference. And I did make a difference. As has Dignity!
But my success seduced me into thinking change depended on me. That I was the active agent. It was up to me. I’m embarrassed to say it, but it was kind of Messianic in a way. This was like Dignity in its adolescence and early adulthood – out to change the Church with the conviction that it all depended on us.
Then I encountered limits and experienced failure. My response? Try harder. Do what worked before. But the old behaviors were no longer working. Like the dynamic in any co-dependent relationship, I was not smart enough to realize the futility of my efforts until I moved into considerable depression, anxiety and finally full-blown depression. I finally came to grips with the fact there were things and people in life I could not control.
I sense a similar source of depression in Dignity. We have worked so hard. We see all kinds of positive change around us, but our beloved Catholic Church is behaving worse, not better! We have experienced failure and disillusionment and the resentment and anger that come with that.
But, as is central to our faith, loss and failure is a portal to liberation. When we let go of the illusion we can make the Church be something she does not want to be; when we cease trying to control the Bishops – they cease controlling us. Resentments enslave us. Forgiveness frees us. If you have not already done so, free yourself, forgive the hierarchy, for they know not what they do.
Now I am I have crossed the threshold into my 50s. And funny thing - I don’t have the energy I used to have. I realize I am not as invincible or resilient. But I am wiser. I have finally learned the truth of the Serenity Prayer - to be more realistic in my expectations, to set priorities and channel my more limited energy on the things that count most. I’ve learned to be at peace with who I am.
And I believe that is similar to the place we are coming to. I personally do not intend to invest any more energy in trying to secure the approval of the bishops.
Dignity – national and local - needs to channel our limited resources where they will do the most good – which is living Christ-centered lives, feeding our spirits through the rich sacramental tradition of Catholicism, loving well and celebrating our unique capacity for loving as Christ calls us to. We are in the largest Christian Church in the world – and still called to be the yeast for change by being true to our God-given nature.
We can and must respond to the hierarchy, but from a place of serenity and confidence, not from defensiveness or anger.
I am well aware that I do not stand before you alone. I am gifted with talent all around me. When I asked Lourdes if she would share this dance with me and she said, “Yes,” I was as thrilled as a schoolboy! “Really?! You really will?!”
Lourdes and I believe this organization has two primary purposes at this time in history. National does one thing well - something no chapter can do alone: Pulls us together so we can encourage one another and speak in a unified voice to re-present our truth in the public square and in the parish hall. Chapters are called to do what national cannot: Place us in community and feed us through the Eucharist, Word and fellowship. We believe deeply that we need one another like yin and yang.
Taking the baton from those who have gone before us, we step into this role with ideas about our future strategy. The membership meeting addressed some significant challenges ahead. We will work to:
- Address inefficiencies in the national office operations,
- Build our connections with chapters,
- Be the Voice that keeps connecting the name Dignity continuously with the conviction that we can be both Catholic and gay in the fullest sense of both of those words,
- Raise money to empower that. Our financial situation is tenuous, but it is not the first time we have had to move forward with faith as our primary fuel,
- Explore the potential for leveraging our resources through an alliance with a kindred reform organization.
In his book “Good to Great” Jim Collins lays out the results of years of research into what distinguishes truly great organizations from good ones. There was one key finding that is counter-intuitive. The leaders of great organizations first found the right talent and THEN they developed a strategy for success. Not the other way around.
I believe this is true for Dignity. Our success absolutely depends on having the right talent in our national office. Having chaired a national search committee, I have learned how difficult that is for us.
Sam mentioned in his address that the Spirit appears to be at work. In addition to persuading Lourdes and me, She does appear to be assembling a new team for us. When the position of Office Manager opened, our current Board Secretary, Peggy Burns, stepped forward to express interest in the job. She has 20-plus years of demonstrated leadership experience in Dignity, ten of which have been on the National Board. She is a perfect fit for the job. She knows what is needed, what she is getting into, and we trust her. But there is one problem: She is in Boston and the job is in D.C. So, accommodating the Spirit, the Board voted to, once again, move the job to where the right talent is. Did you know our national office has been in L.A., Boston, and San Diego in addition to D.C.? We are thrilled that Peggy will be our new office manager effective October 1st.
Then there was the question of an executive director. The position has been open for nine months now. Sam assumed much of that responsibility. With demanding full-time jobs, Lourdes and I can not do that. At the President’s lunch on Friday, Sam alluded to an exciting new possibility that I want to inform you about.
We approached a friend of Dignity's to see if they would be interested in returning as our Executive Director again. We think this person is the best qualified for this position for reasons I don’t think I need to elaborate. They responded, without hesitation, that they would be thrilled to be able to return to a job they loved the most. On Wednesday (July 4, 2007) the Board and our candidate discussed this possibility at length. Their passion for the work, their theology and ecclesiology, and their vision were compelling to both the Board and Dignity members who were present. The Board unanimously endorsed this friend as the best possible candidate for this position.
But once again, we are presented with a challenge: We do not have the financial means to compensate them appropriately. We need to raise over $100,000 to provide a just wage to the laborers in our vineyard, including salary, benefits, travel expenses and other operational needs. An intimidating task – but we believe that this candidate and Peggy, along with this Board, and your support, is a dream team. We so believe this is the right thing to do, that we brought the need to our major donor luncheon on Saturday. I am thrilled to tell you that the four dozen people present have pledged $87,000 for the first year and nearly $150,000 over three years to help make it happen. But as exciting as that is, we are not at our goal yet. We need you to help make this happen. We must broaden the base of financial support for this organization. The new Board of Directors is presenting you with an opportunity to re-invigorate Dignity. We need you to step up to the plate. If you want to see this happen, please send a donation to DignityUSA earmarked for “Talent Fund." If this is meant to be – you will be led to do your part!
We also need your prayers and your talent. We’ll be informing you of our talent needs. The Board cannot do this alone. We recognize the needs of our Chapters. Whether there or here, we need your support.
Let me start winding this up.
I finally decided to say “yes” to your request to lead Dignity at the Easter service of my Columbus Chapter. One of the readings that day was about the women at the tomb. The women were the first to witness the resurrection. The feminine spirit is always the energy that facilitates new life. Our presider, a woman, reminded us that the tomb is a “liminal” place. “Limina” is the Latin word for the place betwixt and between. Neither here nor there. It is the place of wandering and daily manna. The place of uncertainty. The place that both challenges and invigorates faith. It is the Petri dish the early Church grew in. It is where we are now - again.
Like the women at the tomb, and the male disciples of Jesus, we are easily daunted, bewildered and ill at ease in that space between yesterday and tomorrow, between life, death, and new life. Liminal space is a place of struggle – a desert in which significant transformation happens. It is when we have left the familiar, but have not yet arrived at the new. It is when we are between our old comfort zone and any possible new way of being. Let us not be persons of the past. Let us be informed by the past, but inspired into the future. We’ll lead Dignity through this next chapter of uncertainty, with your prayers, the example of Jesus, and the work of the Spirit.
I close with another story – the story behind my favorite hymn. It wasn’t my favorite until I heard the story about the man who wrote “Amazing Grace.”
The hymn was written by a man who ran a slave trade between the colony of Virginia and Africa. The trade had made him a wealthy man. One time when he was at home, he witnessed the birth of his first child. On the very next trip back from Africa he saw one of the slave women give birth. He was so struck by the common humanity of both events, that he ordered the ship to turn around. He freed the slaves in that ship, returned to Virginia, freed his own and became a preacher. “Amazing Grace” is the story of his conversion.
Listen to the words:
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found; was blind but now I see.
“'Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear and Grace my fears relieved. How precious did that Grace appear the hour I first believed.
“Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come. 'Tis Grace has brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home.”
The moral for me is that it is never too late to turn the ship around. These are challenging times for Dignity, but I believe Grace will see us through!
We have been renewed by our reunion, our liturgy, and our faith in the Gospel. Peace be unto you. If not before, I’ll see you for our 40th anniversary in San Francisco!
